“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” -Proverbs 27:9 Honestly, how true is that? I can’t remember a single time that I haven’t felt better after hanging out with my very best friends. My friends never fail to make me laugh and make me feel supported and loved all the time. But it’s taken me a long time to find the friends that I have, and I’ve made some friendships in the past that didn’t turn out to be too great in the long run.
If you read my last blog, “The Dating Game”, you know that I’ve been through my fair share of breakups and endings of relationships. And while breakups with boys hurt, I think the most painful breakups I’ve been through have been friend breakups.
Let’s back up to high school. If you knew me back in high school, you probably knew me as a super shy girl who didn’t say much and didn’t have that many friends. But the friends that I did have, I was fiercely loyal to. I’m the quiet one. All of the best friends that I’ve ever had have had huge personalities and would do the talking for me. That, and I try to see the best in people at all times (one reason why I like to think that I’m actually Belle from Beauty and the Beast). Which obviously got me in trouble sometimes.
I put my trust in people that I shouldn’t have. Someone who I thought was my best friend was telling rumors about me behind my back. To this day, I don’t know why, and if I’m being completely honest, it still kind of hurts sometimes. I’ve lost plenty of friends to boys who didn’t turn out to be the one anyway. Some of the most painful friend breakups have been the ones that happened after I figured out who I was and after I learned to stand up for myself and have my own opinions. I’ve lost some friends because of fights that weren’t worth fighting. And other friendships I’ve lost just because we grew up and grew apart.
My point is that you’ll go through friend breakups all the time. Some will hurt and others will just fade away. Friendships—any relationship, for that matter—are a two way street. Everyone has to put in effort to make any relationship work. If you have a friend who expects you to do all of the work, they don’t deserve to be your friend. Toxic friendships are just as bad as toxic relationships and aren’t worth your time. I think in some ways finding a true friend is just as hard as finding “the one”. There are some friends who will break your heart a thousand times worse than any boy ever could. I know that I’ve cried more over lost friendships than lost relationships with boys. Ending a friendship hurts. Watching one fade away hurts. But your true friends will stick with you through all aspects in life and keep a smile on your face the whole time.
Your best friends will support you in whatever decision you make. They will be there to give you advice and help you through whatever is happening. Your best friends will understand your anxiety or your stress or whatever you have going on. Your best friends will understand that you’re not always going to agree, and that’s okay. (You can still be Team Cap and have a best friend who’s Team Iron Man.) Your best friends will gladly let you hang out with your other friends and catch up with you next weekend. Your best friends will always tell you the truth. Even if it hurts, and even if it kills them to say it.
I’ve found my best friends. I have four. Yes, literally, I have four friends, and that’s it. But you know what? I love it that way. My best friends are some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I can always count on them when I need someone to listen or need advice. They always understand if I have to cancel plans last minute because anxiety decided to come in and take over for a minute (I told you that’s still a battle I fight every day). Every single one of them have hearts of gold.
So find someone who will sing One Direction songs at the top of their lungs with you. Find someone who will have deep conversations with you and truly understand your heart. Find someone who is there every time you need to talk to someone and who will defend you in any situation. Find someone who loves you for exactly who you are and always supports you no matter what. Your friends are some of your biggest supporters. Not just anyone is going to fit that criteria. Some friendships run their course, and some last forever. And the ones that last forever are the best friendships you’ll ever have. Cherish those friendships because they are better than magic.